Written on April 19th, 2008 at 12:04 am by Darren Rowse
How to Deal with Negative Comments On Your Blog
In this post Gala Darling from iCiNG tackles the question of how to handle negative emails on your blog.
“How do you deal with hateful comments? For my blog I keep all comments moderated so I get a chance to see what people say on my site. I’m glad I did this because I got a rather rude comment mainly saying I have poor grammar for an English major. Oh and that I’m ‘pretty down on the world’. I tracked the ip address and realized it’s someone from my area! How awkward.”
Negative comments are a funny thing. I’ve noticed that on iCiNG, typically the rude comments come from someone who’s never commented before. This tells you something about them — namely, that they never contribute anything positive & are really only interested in pointing out a flaw or perceived problem. With these people, I say, have no mercy! Delete their comment & if what they’ve said is really nasty, just ban them. You don’t need the strife!
The way I see it, having a blog is like giving birth or doing a new piece of art every day. People don’t realise how much work goes into them — how much we love them, sweat & toil over them, & analyse everything about them. So when someone swings by & tries to take a shot at you, it’s kind of like them urinating all over your new-born, or slashing at your painting. It’s rude & vulgar, & not to be tolerated. They can say what they like, but not on your site. If they want to spew vitriol, they can do it somewhere else. I mean, would you invite someone like that into your house? To my mind, it’s exactly the same thing.
Another thing to keep in mind is not to feed the trolls! When someone comes by & tells you your blog sucks, you suck, your dog sucks & man, has anyone ever told you you suck?, don’t take the bait! Most of the time, these are just bitter people looking for a fight. It’s just like with bullies in school — all they want is a reaction. So don’t give it to them. There is nothing more infuriating than going out of your way to annoy someone & getting no response. They will fume like mad, & might have another go, but then they will go away. The game gets old. & you can do a little celebratory dance in your living room.
I guess what happens is that people’s egos get in the way, so we feel like we have to defend ourselves, or make the troll look stupid, or something like that. How many of you just love to have the last word? Yeah, I see a few bashful hands raised in the back! The thing is, having to have the last word just creates drama. If your life is boring & you love turmoil, then go ahead, be my guest. Have a flame war with a 14 year old kid in Hoboken. Enjoy! But mostly, it’s a waste of time & energy, & detracts from what you’re trying to do with your blog. (Plus, if your name is attached to your site, or you want to turn it into a business some day, it’s about the most unprofessional thing you can do.)
But it’s not all trolls & hormonal teenagers. Sometimes a long-standing reader will take a turn for the worst. Someone who was initially supportive & friendly might start leaving more & more negative comments, or being downright angry at other members of your community. When this happens, it can be tempting to be intolerant; to be negative in return & slam the door — but it’s not always the right thing to do. I have had this happen to me a few times, & after the initial confusion & annoyance, I start to feel more compassionate.
A Good Rule of Thumb
A good rule of thumb is that nasty or negative comments are never about you or what you’ve written, they are always about the person who wrote them. (Even if people disagree with what you’ve said, most of them can do it in a sane & respectful fashion.) So, when one of my regular commenters starts to go down a less happy path, I take notice.
I’ve written a few emails that go like this.
“Hi, cutie!
I hope everything’s okay with you. I noticed that your most recent comments have sounded a bit negative, & I wanted to check that you’re alright. Let me know if you’d ever like to talk, or anything like that.
Big kisses,
Gala.”
Want to know what happens? Every time I do it, I get an email back that includes the following pieces of information.
1) They are amazed I emailed them, & incredibly grateful.
2) They’re sorry for their negative comments & start leaving happier, more positive messages.
3) Their negative comments were a symptom of their mood. They have been feeling absolutely, mind-blowingly miserable — often my email arrives as they’re bawling their eyes out — & don’t know who to talk to or what to do about it.
Making kind, compassionate contact is 100% worth doing. There is always something more going on than you might initially think.
Sending a sweet email where you treat them as your friend, not just an anonymous reader, works absolute wonders — & helps people feel less alone. Might be something to try!
Take-home points:
* Your blog is like your home. Don’t invite anyone angry to tea!
* Realise that comments are always about the person who left them, & not you. Don’t be tempted to take things personally.
* A little care & love goes a long way.
90 Responses to “How to Deal with Negative Comments On Your Blog”
Killer Picke
April 19th, 2008 12:23 am
No one will piss in my Cheerios…again.
SpaceAgeSage
April 19th, 2008 12:23 am
Very wise words. Self defense in any forum is never enhanced by escalation and kindness always comes back to you!
Mike
April 19th, 2008 12:27 am
I guess this doesn’t apply where nobody leaves comments.
sass
April 19th, 2008 12:29 am
completely agree with you on this one!
I emailed someone who was leaving nasty comment with
“Heya, Thanks for reading the blog!”
They had no response, and stopped leaving hateful comments.
Aura Mae
April 19th, 2008 12:31 am
I had a cluster of comments one day all slamming me in regard to my company’s unique marketing philosophy and calling my pissy and passive-aggressive. I felt like I had been hit by a drive-by shooting! I read through every word of the posts I had written, trying to understand what the commenters were seeing. I let the comments sit for a couple of days and then decided they were an opportunity for me to further clarify my points. I responded in the comment section stating more clearly our philosophy that not every customer will enjoy our business (and that’s OK) and that the comments came from the very same people that we are trying to discourage from coming through the door.
Mark Avey
April 19th, 2008 12:43 am
Some very good points. I find it’s always best to first take a step away from the situation when you get a negative comment. It’s all too easy to just start whacking away defensively at the keyboard in retaliation!
In the same way as when you prepare an email or a blog post, take a think about it first and then perhaps respond if appropriate.
Lisa
April 19th, 2008 12:49 am
I agree with you. This method not only works with blog comments, but emails too. I used to get all bent out of shape when someone posted something negative on my blog, but I found it’s much better to kill ‘em with kindness. Most people either never respond to my “nice” reply or they apologize and admit they were having a bad day. So true!! Good post.
Vered - MomGrind
April 19th, 2008 12:58 am
I read elsewhere that deleting negative comments is cowardly, but I agree that if the negative comment does not address an issue but rather attacks you or your blog, it is perfectly acceptable to just delete it.
Frugal Dad
April 19th, 2008 1:03 am
I have written some intentionally controversial articles in the last week or two because I was trying to drive home a point. The direct feedback on my blog was positive, but I saw a few pings where my article was discussed negatively in forums and on other sites. I resisted the urge to defend my own honor, because then it would be me who appeared a troll! Great advice here - I especially like the idea of making positive contact when negativity is detected.
James Smith
April 19th, 2008 1:12 am
I love this!
Great advice - especially the bit about not feeding the trolls!
Rich Cook
April 19th, 2008 1:17 am
A very insightful blog and I was glad to see how you concluded it. I was thinking as I read that the answer is what the Bible says - return evil with good. Since you’re a former minister, Darren, I was glad you kept to that principle.
If only we could teach our politicians and governments to act this way instead of bombing “our enemies” back to the stone age.
R
Chetan
April 19th, 2008 1:18 am
Negative comments are just cool and i love it when some one posts a negative comment in it. But the negative commentators should have a point of justification with their comments.
I too leave negative comments to some posts where i visit, but only if i feel that there is a need of it. And i feel that negative comments lead to discussions ;)
Starfeeder
April 19th, 2008 1:25 am
lol man… none of you guys will every experience the true “Trolling” that started in the gaming world. Some may get truly shocked the same way as seeing a child get murdered on TV for the first time.
I wonder what a Troll on a make money blog would be like? “Your blog stinks”
Actually there was that one lame blogger that stole some other bloggers theme, but I guess that is about as bad as it can get in the mature reader blogging scene.
- good post
Bruno Ribeiro
April 19th, 2008 1:28 am
Very good advices. I’ve only deleted comments on my blogs a couple of times, mainly because of rudeness. Last week I deleted one, not only because it was rude, but also, as you say, was just someone who was looking for a fight.
I don’t have any problem with negative comments, because they can be valuable, with three exceptions: 1) I don’t tolerate rudeness, specially when it does not contribute anything to the discussion; 2) when third parties who are unable to defend themselves are attacked; 3) when they come from anonymous commenters (if you want to attack me or my ideas, at least you should have the decency to identifiy yourself).
Farfield
April 19th, 2008 1:35 am
This is a great post. I definitely like the idea of sending a positive and friendly email to the commenter. Actually it would be a good idea to do that to everybody that’s negative like that. After all it’s their problem, not yours. So spreading a positive vibe will probably help them see that their word were inapropriate!
Aravind
April 19th, 2008 1:48 am
Great points Gala..
Me personally, practice the art of replying positively to everyone. My Blog tagline shouts that: “Every +vity blogged” !!
And I today felt the same thing you mentioned in the first paragraph. Many just dont understand, what is our blog to us. And they never understand how much work goes into it.
It’s very painful, when you receive such responses from your family itself. :(
But, whatever anyone might say, I’m there to stand for positivity. Yes till the very end.
Doug Rosbury
April 19th, 2008 1:53 am
As soon as you give your opinion you ought to understand that
it will attract flies. They will buzz around you and take from you
whatever they can get in the form of ego food. Your truth to them only tends to justify their suspicions that anyone with a
blog is pretending to be superior. You know better. but what these people see as being shit will draw them to you. Anyone in your work should develop detachment and never justify their suspicions with reactionary comments. Every situation we find ourselves in life is designed to teach us patience, long suffering
compassion and understanding, to name but a few qualities necessary to qualify us for higher states of consciousness and responsibility. Let the flies buzz around you, while you
smile, knowing that you are being true to yourself, which is
really what counts most in life. “To thine ownself be true and
as the night follows the day, you must be true to others”.
Love and good luck——Doug Rosbury
Kirk Warren
April 19th, 2008 1:56 am
I’d like to point out, as it’s not made entirely clear in the article, that you shouldn’t delete every single negative comment you get. It’s fine to delete hate posts against you, the person, but when someone makes valid or opinionated responses that conflict with what you say, you shouldn’t just delete it because they disagree. Same if they point out a mistake you made.
Of course, it still comes down to how they say it, but there’s a difference between negative posts and trolls. It’s nice to go through your comments and have nothing but praise or people agreeing with you, but discussion and community only really spark when there are differing views and opinions. Don’t kill your budding community by deleting every post that has a negative connotation.
noemi
April 19th, 2008 2:07 am
I recently wrote something similar on the mean-spirited blogger or commenter. I don’t encourage malicious comments in my blog. I always assume my readers are intelligent and the mean-spirited don’t belong to my blog.
Perry
April 19th, 2008 2:21 am
Here’s some thoughts & questions:
I get 100,000 comments a year! (on top of 8-10 new posts a day) I’d never be able to moderate them all… Nothing would ever get accomplished.
Also, what is your position on when two commenters become nasty amongst themselves? Not directed at the blog owner?
I’d have to say my blog moderation is spotty at best, because I spend all my time creating good content, and less about worrying what they’re saying. Let’s say I have a “thick skin.”
oz
April 19th, 2008 2:27 am
I have an indie music blog. I put up a post one day for a list of the top 100 metal vocalists of all time that I heard on the radio. It was controversial because Rod Stewart was in the top 10.
It’s received hundreds of comments, so i just stopped paying attention until a few weeks ago. I started reviewing them and I’ve never seen so much profanity, insults, poor grammar, gay-bashing, violence and negativity.
It was out of the norm from the rest of the blog comments, so it was definitely unique to the metal crowd. I was actually getting concerned that they were going to track one another down in the real world and cause harm.
I only deleted the really negative comments and I did my best to add @*& to replace the letters after ‘f’, but it still feels like a Jerry Springer episode.
If it’s a negative comment toward you, the blogger, I’d never delete it. Your loyal readers usually will get your back or you can just rise above and add a mature response.
Nancy McCord
April 19th, 2008 2:36 am
I agree with your post to a degree, but I have learned things from negative comments. Whenever I do get one, I first don’t get on the defensive, but rather try to look at the situation from their point of view. Is the comment valid, is there a problem that needs to be addressed? Do I need to change my point of view?
If the answer is no, then just chalk it up to experience and move on. Unless their post is radical conversation or a personal attack, I will leave the post, as I feel that this is being true to the medium that contains the good, bad and ugly.
If you sanitize your blog message by choosing to just post rosy comments you seem less honest and less forthright. Remember sometimes controversy drives traffic. You just simply do not need to choose to respond to every comment if it does not deserve your attention.
Terra Andersen
April 19th, 2008 2:37 am
I think there is a fine line between negative comments and criticism or disagreement. I guess the negative ones for me would include anything with profanity, or anything that said untrue things about me, personally.
Great post!
Buzz Brockway
April 19th, 2008 2:46 am
Doesn’t it depend on what your blogging about? I blog about politics and I expect, in fact I want, negative comments. I only remove the profanity and let it go.
David Cheong
April 19th, 2008 2:55 am
Its a nice way to get close to readers who commented. Some i think for me, would actually treat it as a compliment. :) It is also a nice thing that we can moderate for some part before let the comment live.
clotilde
April 19th, 2008 3:16 am
“Urinating all over your new-born”… A priceless, and most vivid piece of imagery!
Sam Stevens
April 19th, 2008 3:22 am
Nice to see more people believing in the Power of Nice, even in the face of negativity.I’ve seen some well-known bloggers F-off nasty comments, and I didn’t think it said anything positive about them. Take the high road!
Bob Younce at the Writing Journey
April 19th, 2008 3:38 am
I guess I’ve been lucky. The closest I’ve ever come to a truly negative comment on my blog was one reader who told me how much he liked my blog, and that he was adding me to his blogroll, and that my writing was “not great. But it has a workmanlike quality to it.” I still don’t have a clue what he was getting at.
There was another post where I asked readers to give me an opinion on a banner design, and there was all sorts of (constructive) criticism in that one, but I don’t consider those negative comments.
Vera Raposo
April 19th, 2008 3:40 am
Pour on the love…sounds like a good plan to me. :-)
Robin Ferrier
April 19th, 2008 3:46 am
I wish I read this post months ago! Thank you, thank you, thank you! This is a topic so present yet not talked about on blog mentor sites. Like the elephant in the living room. Finally I have a tool on how to deal with this!
Thinkjayant
April 19th, 2008 3:48 am
Negative comments are different form critics. A negative critic points your mistakes. But a negative comments as rightly said is more out of frustration and jealousy (if i may say).
What i believe is, as long as your blog is not subject area specific (like blog on English literature) having comments like bad grammar is absurd. As long as the communication is clear and the message is understood by the recipient, their should not be any problem.
I have seen people comments like bad grammar, get your English correct, that spelling is wrong. What they need to understand is the effort behind the post that author has taken.
Speaking of which, having a commenter with local/nearby IP… hmm…. that’s so Mr. Jealous.
LA Blogger Gal
April 19th, 2008 3:54 am
Great advice. I find it so much easier to just moderate all my posts from the getgo. I deal with this on a pretty regular basis with my site’s blog, but all is good with my personal blog.
And you’re so right, it’s rarely, if ever your fault as the author…it’s their shit as the reader and they’re just taking things out on you. It happens.
Karen Putz / DeafMom
April 19th, 2008 4:10 am
I rarely get nasty comments but when I blogged about the Steak ‘n Shake incident–
http://putzworld.blogspot.com/2008/01/steak-and-shake-denies-service.html
I let all of the comments go through except one that was so filled with expletives that I couldn’t let it go through. I knew that teachers were sharing the blog in their classrooms. So what I did instead, was turn the extremely negative comment into a blog post in my favor.
If people can’t play nice on my blog, then they have no place on it. Contribute to the conversation or your comments won’t see the light of day.
Make Money Online
April 19th, 2008 4:42 am
Wow that has to be some of the best advice I’ve gotten on that topic. Smart move on the guest post Darren. And Thank you Gala your info was incredibly useful, the best on the subject.
Four20
April 19th, 2008 4:43 am
Sorry, you’re on the internet. You can’t hide from criticism for the rest of your life.
I know I’m not the best writer. . .they can bash me all they want.
:p
Madame Monet
April 19th, 2008 4:52 am
I agree with you 100 percent. Also, I like to promote positive things, not negative things. I have no compunction about deleting a rude comment (they happen rarely, but do happen). After all, would you leave grafitti spray-painted on your house, because it’s more “authentic” to leave it? Of course not. Your blog is the same.
Madame Monet
Writing, Painting, Music, and Wine
winewriter.wordpress.com
Jehzeel Laurente
April 19th, 2008 5:19 am
thanks for these tips.. I’m receiving tons of negative comments on my blog.. hehehe :D
Shawn Farner
April 19th, 2008 5:37 am
What a sweetheart! I wish everyone in the world reacted this way. Why battle back when you can reach closure simply by extending an open hand?
Lamonte
April 19th, 2008 5:56 am
@No one will piss in my Cheerios…again.
lol nicely said.
Shri
April 19th, 2008 6:36 am
Though negative comments upset bloggers, they provide us the time ponder on a point which the blogger might’ve ovelooked or taken for granted.
Bontb
April 19th, 2008 6:47 am
I wrote about “Hate Negative Blog Attitudes” because of one “popular blogger” today wrote how bloggers should not earn ANY money etc…
I agree with you Gala very sweet post !!!
Here is mine if you are interested!
http://www.bontb.com/2008/04/hate-negative-blogattitudes/
Jay
April 19th, 2008 7:07 am
I’m always surprised at how many regular readers will chime in a defend me after a negative comment. And the negative commenters rarely leave a website link. Cowards.
I just switched hosts from GoDaddy to Media Temple, and I blogged about it. Someone from GoDaddy left a comment saying “We don’t want your jankedy site on our servers anyway.”
Classy.
Gala
April 19th, 2008 8:08 am
Good to see your responses!
One thing I think people are misunderstanding what I said, which is not “delete every comment where someone disagrees with you”, rather “delete nasty malicious comments”. Disagreement is 100% fine, of course — there’s just a huge difference between negative & constructive, & negative & pointless.
Most people, I’ve found, have the ability to disagree with you in a respectful & even charming (!) manner. But it’s when those doom merchants come on & start spouting rubbish that I pull the plug. I’m just not interested ;D
xxx
Gala
April 19th, 2008 8:10 am
Oh, & perhaps this is something I should have mentioned in the article, but I also think that we, as bloggers, set the tone. If everything we write is angry or hateful or negative, we are going to attract people who love that stuff. So you’d be a lunatic to expect anything different in the comments.
If you treat your readers with respect, they will treat you with the same, I think. There are odd exceptions, of course, but on the whole, what you get is what you give.
Mwah!
igizmore
April 19th, 2008 8:51 am
derren if you emailed to any of my rude comment with ” Big kisses, - derren ” i swear i wont read your blog again : P
Harmony
April 19th, 2008 9:20 am
Great answer. Your post reminds me of the book by Terry Whitaker entitled: “What You Think of Me is None of My Business.” What freedom if I can honestly let go of what other people may think of me.
I certainly “get it” that we don’t want verbal diarreha insulting our readership and demeaning our efforts, so delete the comments ….
but when the deleted comment still haunts you when you are writing the next one…
I like to think, “what they think of me is none of my business.”
OH PS…I checked on Amazon to see if the book was still available, and saw the subtitle…”Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future.” Maybe there is hope for me yet!
Harmony
“
Igor The Troll
April 19th, 2008 11:13 am
Darren, I hope you will allow me to leave a little link here, so your guests can learn about The Dark World of Wikipedia.
http://www.igorthetroll.com/blog/wikipedia-igorberger-mediation/
Regards,
Igor
Owlhaven
April 19th, 2008 12:43 pm
I got a cranky comment from someone not long ago and after stewing a few minutes I handled it exactly like you siggested above. I wrote a nice email asking the person if all was okay with her these days….very soon I got a friendly apologetic reply with some explanation about some ’stuff’ in her life at the moment….
So it was nice to hear that kind of response might not be a fluke and that it might be a valid way to respond to other negative commenters as well….thanks for sharing!
Mary, mom to many
JBiggs
April 19th, 2008 2:17 pm
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gary
April 19th, 2008 3:09 pm
personally I think that everyone is entitled to their opinion. Thats why I like blogs as well. I do not mind the negative comments on my blogs at all. I encourage them. If someone has to say something, then let them say it. My problem is with the negative comments that do not have a link. The anonymous ones. I refuse to allow a comment, especially if it is negative by someone who wants to do leave it anonymously. Anyway, thats what I think. Nice post by the way.
Mike King
April 19th, 2008 4:04 pm
Any angry or hate comments I’ve moderated, I have always sent a polite and careful response asking how I could make the site more pleasing to them and 100% of the email addresses I’ve seen have bounced back with no recipient. I hope it stays that way since obviously if someone isn’t even willing to back their comment, then the comment isn’t legitimate.
Tom Lindstrom
April 19th, 2008 7:57 pm
Everybody is entitled to their opinion.I try to approve every comment on my blog if it is relevant.
Marco Bertolini
April 19th, 2008 8:20 pm
Hello Gala,
I find this post very interesting and I’d like to adapt it in french on my blog. I would put a link toward the original post of your blog.
Thank you and long live Icing !
Marco.
Perfect.Blogging
April 19th, 2008 8:32 pm
yeah.. if they think that you suck is their opinion and everyone have one opinion.
Sherrilynne Starkie
April 19th, 2008 8:38 pm
Very good post. I’m not sure about deleting negative comments though. No one likes them but it undermines your blogs credibility if you are too heavy handed with the delete button. In two years there’s only one comment I decided not to post and that was from my cyber stalker. He got bored and went away soon after.
julie
April 19th, 2008 9:16 pm
Good post; feel it’s worth remembering - as one IT guru pointed out to me - that however it appears, in reality there are no real ‘authorities’ out there on blogs so in effect bloggers have to enforce their own boundaries with regard to negative comments.
Also folk who tend to be insensitive in personal contact will come across as even more so on blogs where there are fewer que’s as to how the other person is receiving the information. Plus there is a full spectrum of sensitive to thick skinned bloggers!
Problogger used the phrase ‘virtually intuitive’
in knowing how to relate to others on blogs - and not everyone finds this comes naturally. Agree that some people thrive on negative attention and can lose perspective and unwisely displace rage into blogs.
Cathy
April 19th, 2008 10:36 pm
Wow, how did you get to be so wise for one so young?
I haven’t really started my blog yet but I have been gathering info about it. I always wondered what I would do if I got negative comments.Now I know!
Shannon
April 19th, 2008 10:38 pm
My feelings have been hurt by a few negative comments left on my blogs, but that’s just because I’m a Pisces and am therefore, by nature, quite hyper-sensitive. I remember the first time I got one, I kept looking at everyone I knew and wondering if it was them. I drove myself absolutely crazy. Now that I’ve been blogging for a few years it doesn’t hit me quite as hard. I just hit the delete button when I moderate my comments.
Hater
April 19th, 2008 10:40 pm
Great read Darren.
Critism can really be a pain, you don’t want to hear it and always disagree with the contents. Good points made.
Ecko
April 19th, 2008 10:48 pm
I don’t care about the negative comments on my blog. If I got such a negative, I’ll correct myself (my style of blogging, my language, my description, etc.) and find how they don’t like me. That’s it.
Stephen Hopson
April 19th, 2008 11:51 pm
That was one very excellent article - as soon as I saw the title, I knew I was going to like it because I’ve had a couple bouts with negative messages myself.
It happened out of the blue one day when one of my stories made its way to a small pilot community in another state (I’m a pilot). Suddenly the story spread like wildfire and the negative comments came tumbling in.
To say I was shocked would be a major understatement! I had never experienced anything of that magnitude before.
After a few days of thinking it over (whether or not to engage with them), I did everything you mentioned in this article. I deleted every single one of them. In fact, I took it one step further and spammed them out of existence - a harsh reaction, I know, but it was better to let them go and not get bogged down in negative energy.
I’m happy to say the “scandal’ eventually petered out and it was over.
Thanks!
I was shocked to hear nasty comments like “You are a disgrace to aviation,” “You swine!” I mean, WTF?
Your piece here reminded me that I did the right thing in handling the onrush of negative comments that eventually petered out and I never heard from them again. Thank goodness.
ConsoleHero
April 20th, 2008 1:16 am
Thanks for the article. I really appreciated the idea sending personal messages to your ‘regulars’ if you will. That’s a really nice touch.
My only problem is that I can’ just leave the negative comments alone or just delete them. I’m not offended by them, I’m just way too sarcastic and working in a comedy club as a youth has warped me :)
One of my recent favorites was this ditty from a ‘Dan’ ;
“My only wish is to leave this page and never come back again! Retarded stuff! How could anyone believe it?”
To which I felt the need to reply;
“Hey Dan!
Thanks for your input! Such constructive criticism is very helpful to us as it allows us to further improve our page.
We will do our best to have less “retarded stuff”, as well as content that people can “believe”.
Sincerely,
Tyler”
See how I kept that positive :P
Lisa Marie Mary
April 20th, 2008 1:38 am
What a great post, Gala! I had an instance once where a normally friendly commenter, with whom I’d thought I was becoming friends …began to leave negative, critical comments. I had no idea what the deal was - I was a bit shocked, really. Now I know exactly what to do if it should happen again - so thank you!
Snh
April 20th, 2008 2:26 am
This is great post. Yesterday I was thinking on how to deal better with negative comments and what a coincidence, I see your post on that. Thanks!
Chris
April 20th, 2008 7:53 am
I did a jokey video in response to the recent Virgle joke on YouTube. Some of the comments were awful. Rather than delete them I chose to reply with sarcasm. It seemed to do the trick.
Once you understand that most negative (abusive) comments lack substance then you learn not to worry about them. On the other hand if their point is valid keep it there and post a relevant response. I certainly would not do anything to provoke further worthless comments - like post abusive comments on their site for instance!
Good article, thanks.
Planet Berry
April 21st, 2008 12:45 am
Never a dull moment with those that want their 15 seconds of fame. Criticism when handled appropriately can benefit everyone. It’s a shame when someone or group goes off just to harm. It happens and we too have the lever to delete. We like to keep everything submitted at Planet Berry live and unedtied but if it harms someone we do take liberty and find the proper disposal grounds.
Richard Leigh
April 21st, 2008 9:01 am
As poster of a negative comment fairly recently on THIS very blog, I feel suitably chastened!
There is a fine line though isn’t there.
If everyone always says nice things to each other, no one gets anywhere. One of my current favourite TV programs is “Doc Martin”; and what I love about the grumpy Doc is his directness, and unwavering tendency to just tell everything like it is. In the world of communication, however, I know that tact is a precious thing.
In fact my natural tendency IS to be nice to people, so the big shift for me now is realising that posting on a blog is not an anonymous thing to a faceless organisation, but a personal comment to a creative individual.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this one Gala. Here’s to ALL of us finding the right balance.
rL
Jeff McCord
April 21st, 2008 9:35 am
Great article!!!
I’ve noticed that any time I post a video on YouTube or even a response to a video on YouTube, I always get the 5 to 10 “you’re a f#ggot, queer, I hate f@gs”, etc comments…
I’m an openly gay man and I’m proud of who I am. But it can be a bit hard, after the 4th or 5th one, to not want to respond in a hateful manner (and I’ve been guilty of that, especially when it’s from some 16 yr old a##hole).
However, you’re right… the comment is more about the person who wrote it versus the person it’s about. I like that thought.
So, in summary, I always allow moderated comments on my blogsite, but I never allow them on YouTube. It’s too much.
kraft
April 21st, 2008 10:18 pm
I moderate the comments! I don’t loose my time to reply on the negative comment! I simply reject it! Sometimes a person want a reply, a fight (you say)!
Anyway the life on the english blog it’s much easy! On the romanian blog it’s much worse! I noticed the negative comment come from very young guys and from frustrating people who have problem to understand what they read! When the negative commnent it’s correct no problem, but these type of comments it’s rare!
Very good article!
Prince of the Interwebs
April 22nd, 2008 8:27 am
Well, sometimes it takes a thick backbone to take some comments. Being that I’ve personally been around the MMO scene for years (have my own massively multiplayer Uber Guild), and that quickly gets you a backbone. A lot of people sling stuff left and right, sometimes it doesn’t seem like they have a target in mind, yet just sling it because “they can”.
As for my blogs, I usually let flaming happen. Just as long as it’s at least partially constructive.
Igor The Troll
April 22nd, 2008 8:43 am
Nothing wrong with a Flame or two. It is all part of the process of creative communication!
Gillian
April 22nd, 2008 9:19 am
I know this post from Gala Darling is about handling those commenters who are REALLY rude in their negative comments, but I’d like to round out the discussion to acknowledge those overly-sensitive bloggers who get edgy at any kind of comment that is less than gushy adulation.
I no longer try to give any kind of feedback that is less than a rave review. Even courteous and constructive criticism can result in tetchiness from these delicate creatures. I attribute this partly to cultural differences – many Americans seem very gushy, while Australians are much more direct. What I (an Aussie) perceive as respectful and to the point, Americans can perceive as harsh and negative.
I’m inclined to leave these sensitive bloggers to enjoy the warmth of their cheer squad.
Nice work Gala…
Mr. D
April 22nd, 2008 11:04 pm
I can really relate to what you’ve written in this post. Lately, there’s a reader on the blog I write articles for, accusing me of making stuff up. The problem was that, for an article, I used a source which hadn’t done its research thouroughly enough (according to this reader). From that moment on, he was checking everything and started calling other news items lies, which they weren’t. At first, I tried reasoning with him. Now I just ignore him. His tone is starting to mellow out now, but he still only comments on my missteps, rather than giving me both positive and negative feedback.
The problem is: he’s probably just miserable (as you point out in your article, most of them are), so I shouldn’t have been affected too much by his negativity. But it’s hard to not let it get to you. Although I’m not the owner of the blog, my articles are my personal work.
Before this happened, we had a trend towards negativity on the weblog. This eventually stopped when the owner of the blog wrote an article, saying that reactions like that were unneccesary and uncalled for. The outcome of that helped, but I must admit that I think it’s too much credit for all the negative people on the blog. So I would rather reccommend your strategy:)
Keep up the good work!
Niall Devitt
April 23rd, 2008 7:17 am
Great post and super advice for a newbie blogger like me. I think that comments that criticise are fine as long as they are constructive, a healthy debate adds to the overall blog value in my opinion but nasty stuff, well that’s not worth even worrying about.
Ivy
April 25th, 2008 11:16 am
Gala is an AMAZING woman, and I wish I read this a couple days ago when I ran into a negative reader. These are such wise words that deal with the negativity in a gentle way. 10 points, Gala! xx
Pentad
April 26th, 2008 9:39 am
Great post. Yes, our blogs feel like our homes! Don’t feed the trolls is a good one. Another point is that everyone has differing opinions. I just try to think of it as they are expressing their freedom of thought.
Marc
May 16th, 2008 9:57 pm
That’s the trouble with being a sensitive, feeling creature, those barbs can really sting ya!
Jenn
May 17th, 2008 3:08 am
I actually know who my troll is– even though he uses a face email. I didn’t at first, but by all the evidence it is a former co-worker who was fired and has now taken it upon himself to attack everyone in the company online in one way or another.
He knows where I live. I reported it to the police but because he has not made a physical threat there is not much they can do. I circulated a photo of him in my neighborhood…. A human resources expert that our company brought in seems to think the culprit is passive aggressive and won’t cross the line, will eventually get bored– or get a job — and move on. As long as we don’t respond.
It is wearing on a person to get this kind of consistent barrage of negativity. And for a creative person like myself, it makes me feel constrained- like I can’t express myself. When the HR consultant suggested not blogging for a while, I said that’s like telling me not to breathe. I hate that someone else can affect me that way.
I blocked his IP address from seeing my website. Actually I redirected him to a Job Search page on Yahoo jobs. I couldn’t help poking the tiger a bit.
Given the choice to do it again, I would still block his IP address but refrain from the redirect. He has moved on, but to my Flickr account and to my friends’ blogs.
Also, note that blogger doesn’t track the IP address of the commenter. Wordpress does. Not sure about other content management tools. I actually switched my blog so that I could better document these comments.
Mike Smith
May 17th, 2008 4:55 am
Hi I like your comments on handling the negitive you come across as a nice person
Thanks
Jen
May 26th, 2008 8:24 am
My troll is a former friend’s new “best pal.” She’s taken to calling me a c*nt and telling me to get over myself [as well as to stop talking about her - which I have not done]. The whole thing really just puzzles and hurts me because I feel like I’ve lost my friend because of this negative hate monger.
Anyway, wanted to thank you for this blog/article. You have a great way of speaking and just a nice demeanor. Your kindness comes through in your words and you seem like a SANE and decent person.
Thought I would spread a little love and try to get through my day of hatred and noxious, loathing words. Thank you!
Igor The Troll
May 26th, 2008 9:41 am
Jen if you are called a C*nt why not act like a C*nt!
Make a Fan site for your Troll friend! Troll the Troll. LOL
Just remember it is a game, and do not become abusive, but use irony!
I call it Parody site!
Maybe the Troll will get the hint and move on.
Trish Korman
June 13th, 2008 12:47 pm
Best advice I’ve heard. Good thinking Gala.
V
June 30th, 2008 11:35 pm
Great! Good advice Gala. Have tried writing the “Sweet” email to a freind of mine. Waiting now to see if I get a good response.
Rash
July 16th, 2008 11:00 am
First of all, the comparison between a pissing on a newborn and writing a negative review on a blog is weak, the thought behind comparisons is that they should be somewhat equal and give perspective.
Secondly, you have to look at the source of traffic to see where the first-time-commenter comes from. Digg, SU and other social media networks generate a lot of traffic, however this traffic doesn’t last more than 2 or 3 pageviews, therefore a lot of people who comment on your blog aren’t familiar with it, and are commenting from a first-read perspective.
Item no. 3: This is just my opinion so feel free to disregard it, but saying “have no mercy! Delete their comment” just because it’s a negative comment is bullshit. Why bother having a comment form at all, if it’s just gonna be biased bullshit pandering to the authors fragile ego? Name it a kiss-ass-board and word-filter every word you don’t like to something you do like, that way you truly will have it your way. Oh, and i don’t believe in asking people for their opinion and censuring them just because it doesn’t match the authors.
I don’t know if this comment is going to be posted, because it can be seen as negative and I am a first-time reader sent from a social networking site and will be viewed upon as an outsider looking to troll, but I thought I might as well write some of this stuff down.
Oh finally, this has nothing to do about content and is kind of a silly thing really, but putting the comment form above the comments might be a good idea. If an article gets a few dozens comments the form gets buried under a heap of text. Just a usability thought.
Matthew
August 11th, 2008 11:51 am
Wow. I really needed that little lesson. Thank you! I agree with the idea that putting yourself out there is like making art every day 24-7. I get a lot of nice comments, but then there are those ones that come from planet x and really have the potential to mess you up.
I just Googled “Dealing with negative comments” and here you are to the rescue! p.s. I just send a sweet comment to one of my detractors… dance in the living room to follow!
Thanks again.
Matthew
Alex
August 11th, 2008 7:38 pm
To Rash;
As it has been stated, there is a difference between negative comments like yours, and one that simply says “your post is sh~~, you suck” or somewhere along that line. While you are speaking your mind, the latter is just trying to troll.
I personally would allow negative constructive comments, like yours, but would not hesitate to delete the pointless ones. While I admit that these flaming comments do hurt me, the main reason why I choose to delete them is because I want to discourage trolling. Leaving the comments alone does nothing to stop them from doing what they do.
Rash
August 12th, 2008 12:58 am
Back to Alex;
First of all, thank you for responding to my comment, I was beginning to think that those five cleverly crafted, well-worded and somewhat lengthy paragraphs were lost on the Internet.
To the point: I agree with your whole “note the difference between trolling and arguing” theme, however, when it’s left to a person that is emotionally invested and has the power to tilt the playing field by blocking or deleting comments, it’s a bit too easy for it to become biased censuring.
I’m not saying abandon comment-monitoring all together, I’m all for deleting, let’s say, racist comments without an afterthought, however, I do actually believe that deleting a comment that says “this article was shit, you suck!” is, lacking a better word, wrong. Granted, the “you suck” argument isn’t very articulate and would be defined as trolling, however it does comment on the content and, according to me, should not be deleted.
Alex
August 12th, 2008 10:00 am
To Rash:
Thanks for replying too. Well, I admit that I can’t be 100% objective in determining whether a post is considered trolling or just a comment, but I feel that ultimately it is still my own page and I guess I have the right to moderate whichever comments that I would want in my page, yes, even if it does impinge on freedom of speech. Just my own opinion :)
For me, I’ve a blog that no one visits, so no trouble there, but I do post some videos on youtube. I don’t read all comments but if I do get some that I don’t like I may delete them; it’s to my pleasure to decide which will be deleted - but I have only deleted 2 so far, so I guess I”m still rather tolerant. I think comments like “I don’t like it”, or “it’s really bad” are ok, even if they don’t really come under the definition of really constructive negative comments. “That is the most atrocious cr!p i’ve ever seen!” would be pushing the boundaries.
Some time back I’ve received one that said “you suck, that is really sh~t”. I admitted that I was tempted to delete the comment immediately after seeing that, and upon viewing his other comments in other websites, that go something like “you f#gg##! b****! ****! *****!! **** ** ****! *** *** **** **** *****!!! .. hope you are run over by a bus in traffic.”, I became quite sure he’s a troll, or at best an extremely unpleasant person, so I deleted the comment. Hence, for me, politeness and, more importantly, intent also play a part in whether I should leave a comment or not. But of course, it’s only just my opinion, and I’m mostly wrong. :)
Rash
August 14th, 2008 3:30 am
Can this be happening, civilized discourse on the internet?
Well, where were we? There really isn’t much left to say, as we seem to agree on the basics of it; “Deleting comments is a touchy subject because it’s hard for the person in power to remain neutral, however to combat trolls some sort of moderation is needed”..
Interesting notion: while writing this a thought lightbulbed up; I think we might have discovered the conversation that led to that +/- rating system that hides comments based on their rating. That will let the masses decide what is and is not worth a read. It will automagically fight trolls by making it easy for people to burry the comment, and it will still give the author/creator the power to delete a comment, however render that function near obsolete, since it’s more gratifying to see a negative review scorn than forgotten.
Martin Gommel
October 2nd, 2008 8:51 pm
Hey Gala ! Just wanted to drop in a “thank you” for this Post. This has helped me right now in a Situation !
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